Epilogue      

One summer way back in 1984, I traveled to a 3-day meeting in Shreveport Louisiana. And in between meetings there were little groups of people, elders and deacons etc. talking amongst themselves. And as it happened, I closed in on one group that was probably in their seventies, which I thought would be about the age of my grandfather. And they were talking about their fathers. One of the men said, “I remember seeing my father reading his Bible by the light of a coal oil lamp.” And he paused and added, “but we always had so much work to do in the fields that we never talked about it while I was growing up.”

I thought to myself what a wonderful memory that man had of his father sitting by the coal oil lamp reading his Bible, but what a shame they never seemed to have the time to talk about what he read.

I left that group and walked over to another group of men probably about fifty years old, which was about the same age of my own father. I thought to myself, “these men could possibly be the children of the men in the first group.” And they were also talking about their fathers. One man was saying, “When I was growing up we came to just about all of these 3-day meetings when I was a little boy.” And he too, paused and said, “but you know we hardly ever talked about the Bible.”

And another man in that group began to say, “You know I don’t understand it. I brought my children to Church every Sunday, but none of them are members of the Church. All of them have joined other churches outside of the Primitive Baptist.” And I thought to myself that I could be one of their sons!

I was thinking to myself as I was walking away about how sad those men seemed to be as they were talking about their childhood, and their own children. And as I was looking around I noticed that there were no young men that were my age that had grouped themselves together talking among themselves. I’m not saying that there weren’t any young people at the meeting, but for the most part they were around thirty years older than I was.

We fathers and mothers need to be asking ourselves one very important question right now! The question is not do we love our children, but do we have time to love our children? 

There was a study done in the August 1974 issue of the Scientific American called “The Origins of Alienation,” by a doctor named Dr. Urie Bromfendrenner, that I believe will serve to show us what is most likely to be our problem here today.

He did a study in which he examined the demands on average middle class men, and how much time that their jobs were taking away from their homes at mealtimes, evenings and weekends and even whole days; trips and moves that were viewed as being necessary to get ahead or simply to hold their own in the work place; along with time spent in driving back and forth from the work place, meetings, and other community obligations. And he looked at how these events effected the family situation where children often spent more time with their babysitter than with their own parents.

Dr. Urie Bromfendrenner found that this high demand for their time and resources was incompatible with fatherly responsibilities. In his study his team interviewed groups of middle-aged men to see how much time that they thought that they were playing and interacting with their small children. They asked them to estimate how much time that spent with their one-year-olds each day. And on average the reply was that they thought that they were spending about fifteen to twenty minutes with them each day.

So to verify  these  claims,  they  attached  small  microphones  to  the  shirts  of  small pre-school children in order to record actual time spent by children with their parents. What they found was shocking: on the average middle class fathers spent on average thirty-seven seconds per child per day! That’s not thirty-seven minutes per day, but only thirty-seven seconds in an entire day!

They found that their direct interaction, the time that they actually came into physical contact, such as holding and hugging was just as shocking, it was limited to 2.7 encounters every day, usually lasting fifteen seconds each!

And that these very same children were spending a whopping thirty to fifty hours watching television per week. Now consider that this is all happening during the formative years of their lives when they are the most vulnerable to the things that they see and hear. A time in which they are receiving thirty-seven seconds a day from their fathers and over thirty hours from commercial television! Where do you suppose that these children are getting their values? It’s certain that they are not getting them from their parents!

Someone once said, “Values are not taught to our children; they are caught by them.” When I was in Cub Scouting with my son we had a saying that rings especially true. It was “a boy will never walk when he can run; he will never run when he can jump, and he will never jump when he can climb!” That is to say that they are always in motion, and always on the move. Try sometimes to get a child to sit still and get him to patiently wait and listen to you while you try to give them a lecture to teach them about the things of God, or for that matter any other important issues of life.

They learn and imitate what they see and hear. If nothing else as we consider these facts we ought to stop and humbly consider the world that they live in. I know that it has become very popular in our so-called enlightened society to believe that we must expose our children to as much of the world as is possible. But I fear that this false opinion is usually supported by those who either are being misled or by those who hope to be able to prey and exploit them as they grow older. Believe me when I say that this world is certainly not a friend to you as PARENTS, nor to your children.

So, how do loving parents teach their attitudes and values and faith to their children? It’s done indirectly, as the scriptures teach us in Isaiah 28:10 though 13, “for precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little,” They pick it up a little bit at a time! Beloved you can believe me when I tell you that your little children are always on the watch, ever taking in and listening to everything that they see and hear! You can look right at them, and be convinced that they are preoccupied with something else, but then a little later on they will come and surprise you! They will usually illustrate the fact that have heard or seen every single thing those only moments before you thought they were ignorant of! And if it hasn’t already happened to you…wait just a little while and it will!

At the little Church that I pastor we have a little boy named Conner. And he’s about two years old. During services as you watch this little bundle of pure energy quietly (for the most part) playing with his little toy tractor, seemingly oblivious to what is going on around him in our little Church house. And after the close of services the right hand of fellowship was extended and the congregation came around and shook my hand. And that being completed and everyone back in place. One small figure slowly emerged in the middle of the center isle with hand out stretched came little Conner. I knelt down and took him by that little hand, and just as quietly he turned and returned back to the arms of his loving mother.

What did he see and hear that motivated him to abandon his prized toy tractor? I truly believe with all of my heart that he saw something, but not as the world sees, that is not with his natural eyes, but with the eyes of his inner man. Yes, what  he saw was being viewed through eyes of a born again child of God! And as he watched he saw the love of Jesus Christ flowing from breast to breast in the handshake. And he came forward in that very same spirit!

And I am so glad that his mother and father did not try to contain him from coming forward! Listen to what Jesus has to say in Mark 10:14-16, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein. And He took them up in His arms, put His hands upon them, and blessed them.”

Stop and consider this picture and you must readily realize what an awesome responsibility we all have as parents, and as fathers and mothers to bring up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord our God, and to stand and walk before them in the service of the people of God, in the Church Kingdom of Jesus Christ.

And live before them as faithful and loving husbands and wives so that they will have a Godly pattern to follow after when they too grow and that their place in the world (but not of the world).

God bless you and keep you, and your marriage and family relationships.