Chapter Six  Till Death Do Us Part

We have taken a brief look at the need to take a self-examination, which ought to always take place before we ever consider entering into a marriage and family relationship. And now, if the Lord bless us I would like to go and take a look at the necessary ingredients that are required in order to live in a fulfilling and Godly marriage and family. And also to try to take a close look at how our creator God has designed the marriage and family to properly function. As we live here in this old world we might hear things like:

“Well, you really don’t understand my situation; nothing that I do for him seems to work! No matter what I do he’s never pleased and he’s always gotta have his way about everything! Anyway life is far too short to keep going through all of this pain. Maybe we’d both be so much happier if we just divorced.”

“I’m getting out of here. I don’t need this anymore. Life’s too good to live with all of this torture any more. Besides, she doesn’t understand me anyway. I’d be happier if I just left, and so would she.”

“Look, it’s the twenty first century, not the 1950’s. Marriage doesn’t mean the same thing that it used to. Why even bother to have a ceremony anyway? Why not just live together for a while, and if it doesn’t work out, just part and go on our separate ways.”

“Tell me why should I have to suffer through a bad marriage? Everyone’s getting a divorce these days!”

“Our marriage is so boring! I need to have a little excitement. We’re just too used to each other. Maybe I just need to have a little extramarital affair. That’ll put the spice back in my life!”

“Well you see I have to drink just to relieve the pain.  When I drink I can put up with just about anything. I only do it to help me get through the day…you know how it is, just until things get better.”

“Our marriage is in trouble. We’ve been to counseling, and nothing seems to help. Maybe it would be best for us and the kids if we just call it quits?”

That’s right, today divorce is rampant. Marital affairs are common place. Counselors, alcohol and drugs are everywhere. People are ready to resign and throw their marriage and family out the window at the first sign of trouble.  These statements are some of the more common ways that people deal with the marriage troubles today. But beloved there is a better way even if your situation seems hopeless. You can turn to God for help. After all He is the one who designed the marriage relationship in the first place. And He can and will most certainly lead us in the right way for us to become the right kind of husband, and the right kind of wife that we ought to be. If we will follow Him and His word, He can and does save and show us His better way while we live right here in this time world. He can and does deliver us in these things. Remember and always keep in mind what Jonah 2:9 says, “Salvation is of the LORD.”

Stop for just a moment and think about it, it all began with God when He brought Eve to her husband Adam way back in the Garden of Eden (See Gen. 2:18-25). Eve was created to be Adam’s “help meet.” And as his helper, she became his fulfillment in life. And in her he found that he was complete, that she was his and he was hers. The two of them each belonged to the other and they became one flesh. Eve was created and given to her husband Adam to rescue him from being alone, because God said, “that it was not good that the man should be alone.”

Husbands think about your wife, and what a wonderful blessing it is that God has also given you someone to rescue you in order that you too do not have to live out your lives alone! Just like God created a “help meet” for Adam so He has done for you too! Look and learn and see what this phrase “help meet” means. It means to have someone who comes to the rescue or aid of another that is in trouble. And Adam’s trouble was that he was all alone in the world.

Adam said, “this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (See Gen. 2:25).

Now let’s take another look at the four elements expressed in this wonderful statement. First, that a man shall “leave his father and his mother.” The Hebrew word which is used that is used here is 'Ahab, (aw-zab') which means to cut off from, to forsake, and leave off. You husbands and wives need to understand that there must be a cutting off of our former way of living. We husbands must leave the family of our mother and father. No, now I’m not saying that we are to abandon them, but we must take the leadership role in a brand new union.  Yes, we can, and should seek their council from time to time, but our first duty is to our God, and our wives! And they both as husband and wife to leave their former way of living, and as one, they are to abandon all others, and keep themselves only to one another. They can never think in terms of “I” and “ME,” but now in terms of “WE!”

Second, the English word “cleave” that is used here in this passage carries with it two entirely different yet complimentary meanings. The first meaning is to cling to, to attach, unite and hold on to, while the other is to cut away, divide, to come away from. The picture presented is that there is a cutting away of our own self-will, while at the same time joining into union with our wife as one, “for richer, and poorer, until death do us part.” We husbands must put away our old way of living for ourselves alone.

The second meaning of the word corresponding to “cleave” means to be joined together. And this word conveys to us that there is a bonding together. When we read that the man is to “cleave unto his wife.” We see that we are to be literally joined in heart with our wives. To be glued with her in a permanent bond!

We find this same English word used to describe a dividing in Zechariah 14:3, 4, where we read that the LORD shall “go forth, and fight against those nations, as when He fought in the day of battle. And His feet shall stand in that day upon the mount of Olives, which is before Jerusalem on the east, and the mount of Olives shall cleave in the midst thereof toward the east and toward the west, and there shall be a very great valley; and half of the mountain shall remove toward the north, and half of it toward the south.” Do we see the dividing? Do we see the cleaving? While His former life was lived to himself, now in the new union he must cut away self, in favor of his wife. Now it’s no longer “I” but “WE.” He must now lead by assuming the servant’s role, which has now become to care for her needs. And in doing so he is caring for himself, because we read that husbands ought to “love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church” (See Eph. 5:28, 29). And we must remember that to ignore this very basic principle is do serious harm to oneself, both physically and emotionally!

We see this relationship displayed in the Godhead. And just like our heavenly Father exists as three persons in one unity, so we can clearly see that the husband and his wife are to become “one flesh” in unity together. Jesus says, “I and my Father are One” (John 10: 30). And we read in 1 John 5: 7, “For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are One.” God designed marriage to be a mirror of the union between the Trinity of the Godhead, in which Christ Himself is the Head.

And so the two, one husband and one wife are to view themselves as being one. Not, 1 + 1 = 2, but 1 X 1 = 1. Two separate persons in one unity together until death do we part.  The old family unit is broken, and a brand new one begins! When injury is brought to one, they both suffer pain!  They are tried together in such a way that the only way that they can move forward is to move as one. They must nurture and cherish the needs of the other. And understand that this is a growing process at best. It takes time and lots of hard work to follow the pattern that God has instituted. Just like when God told Moses in Exodus 25:40, “And look that thou make them after their pattern, which was shewed thee in the mount.” We are to be careful to follow that pattern that He has shown us in His word!

And fourth, when this pattern is followed there is then a new intimacy that is formed. We see that “they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” There is an abandonment of our own self-control. They together form a new self-consciousness that enables them to be able to meet each other’s needs without any sense of shame or embarrassment or rejection of the other! They are fulfilled in their union together, knowing that “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” (See 1 Cor. 7:4.) They belong to one another. Why? Because they are already one.

Beloved the trouble comes in the union because of our sinful nature. We, according to our nature try to hold on to our own way. We exclude the other, and suffer the consequences. The other always feels the pain that we inflict on the one! This is a law, and there are no exceptions to this law. It doesn’t matter if we choose to not believe in the union that is formed in marriage. When we ignore and neglect it we certainly will suffer as a result. Our sinful nature will always be here with us as long as we live here in this old world, but we are to seek the will of our Father in heaven to guide us in walking in our union of marriage. Remember that our heavenly Father promises us that He will “never leave us nor forsake us.”  He will always be there for us to lead and guide and direct us as we strive to live in this holy union of marriage and the family (See Deut. 31:6; Heb. 13:5).

When God designed and instituted the marriage union, He commanded the two to “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.” (See Gen. 1:28.).  And by His design they were to live in a lifelong relationship. He didn’t design it to be left up to us to figure out how to make it work, and God the Holy Ghost left His word, in the English the 1611 King James Bible, the scriptures. In the next chapter we will undertake to look at the ten Biblical building blocks for a fulfilling and successful marriage union:

1. A LIFELONG COMMITMENT TO THE COVENANT

2. FAITHFULNESS TO ONE ANOTHER

3. A SHARED IDENTITY

4. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

5. TWO-SIDED SUBMISSION

6. UNOBSTRUCTED AND OPEN COMMUNICATION

7. LOVING RESPECT

8. SPIRITUAL FELLOWSHIP

9. TENDER HONOR

10. SEXUAL FULFILLMENT