Chapter Five   A Self Examination  

So you’re considering getting married? Or maybe you’re already married and are thinking about the prospect of your children getting married? What are the considerations?  Maybe you are trying to sort out your present marriage relationships? Or maybe just have questions in your heart concerning this matter? What should be your frame of mind? What do you need to know and understand?

First, let me say that it is absolutely necessary that we as Primitive Baptist, or any believer, start  from the very beginning and turn to the LORD for all of our guidance in this, as well as every matter in our lives. Our hearts must be set toward Him to seek His counsel. Proverbs 3:5-8, says “trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.  It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.”

Beloved this is a matter of the heart! Solomon’s advice to us is to “trust in the LORD.” We are to put our complete confidence in Him. Knowing that just the same way that He feeds the birds of the air, he will also care of you in this matter, after all He reminds us; “are ye not much better than they?” (See Matt. 6:26). We must remember that our God is Jehovah, the creator of this whole universe, and that He is our heavenly Father, and we can and should cast all of our cares, trials, troubles and burdens upon Him. Why? Because He cares for us and knows us all in an intimate way! Why even “the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” (See Matt. 10:30.)

The scriptures teach us that because of His love and mercy toward us we can, and should trust Him in even the smallest matters. Yes, and especially in the choice of a husband or a wife. Let’s be like those who were at Berea, who “were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily,’ to see ‘whether those things were so” (See Acts 17:10,11).

So, beloved, right now, starting here today, lets begin with a self-examination! That right, lets start with looking at ourselves to “prove your own selves,” that we are “in the faith;’ That we might know that we do not belong to ourselves alone, but that we belong to “Jesus Christ” who “is in you, except ye be reprobates?” (See 2 Cor. 13:5)

We need to have a basic understanding of several concepts in our own hearts. First, do we understand what is involved in the covenant of marriage? Second, are we well-grounded in the faith? Third, do we understand the concept of “till death do us part?” And fourth, are we willing to trust in the providence of God in the matter?

Moving on now, let’s listen to our Lord Jesus Christ as He spoke the first truth that we should examine, and it is found in Matthew 5:6, “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.” We, because we are God’s born again children must understand that within each and every one of us, is a “hunger” or a “void” which lies between our spirit or inner man and our flesh. The Greek word for “hunger” is the word, peinao, (pi-nah'-o,) which means a craving or longing for something. The picture as is seen in Genesis 1:1 and 2, “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.” This “void” as it is used here and in our text in Matthew chapter five literally means that there is nothing there! It is a “void.” And this void can never be bridged by anyone! That is to say that sinful man can never by his efforts build a bridge between them! This void is between the spirit and the flesh.  Anything that we might try to fill or bridge it with is lost and consumed in the “void.”

If we are indeed Children of God, then we have two natures. One nature that is born from above, that is the inner or spiritual man.  And also one that is born into this world with, that is our outer man of the flesh. And as the scriptures teach us; “for the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these’ two ‘are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would” (See Gal. 5:17). And that “the carnal’ or natural ‘mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be” (See Ro. 8:7).

So we are indeed born again of the Spirit of God, then by our nature have a need to be filled. That is to have that “void” filled. If we are examining ourselves we will notice that we need love. Yes, dear ones, we do not come into the world with love in us. No, it comes by and through the grace of the Living God. Yes, that’s the very thing that we “hunger and thirst” for. We need the love of God in our hearts but the only love that we have in this old flesh is mere human love. And unlike God’s love, which never changes, human love comes and goes and fades slowly away. It changes according to how we feel at the time. We can feel human love one day, and have it be gone the very next day. In other words our love tank is always setting on empty!

And this is the condition in that we find ourselves living in when we go out to look for a wife or husband. More often than not, we will always be on the lookout for someone whom we think can and will fill up that hunger and thirst…that “void” within us! But the problem is that the very person that we have chosen also suffers from the very same problem that we have. What? You mean that they too do not have any love in their tanks? What do you think that they are looking for? You guessed it! They are looking to you so that you might also fill their “void” too!

What a dilemma! What’s the answer? Let me tell you my friend, the answer is found in two undeniable facts. First, that human love (lust) in and of itself can and most certainly never will support a marriage and family! The love that comes from the human heart absolutely does not have what it takes to carry anyone through the thick and thin, the hard times, and the good times that will come in every single loving family relationship! Second, the only source in the universe for that sustaining love is Jehovah God!

We learn through the gospel that “God is love” (See 1 John 4: 8, 16). And that the only real, unconditional and unchanging love that can fill our “void” or “hunger” is God Almighty, and that He alone can fill the “void”! So if you feel like you need love, you must go to its source, and that’s your loving Father! He alone can and will supply your need.

James 4:8-10 reads, “Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up.” Beloved this can only happen as we are seeking “first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness.” That is not trusting in our own selves, but resting in the grace, mercy and love of our LORD Jesus Christ!

And beloved we, after having received the love of God in our hearts, then, and only then are we able to offer love to someone else! You may try to do it another way but the result will only be “lust.” And you will quickly find that it will fade and decay leaving in its wake only emptiness. Human love (lust) will let you down every time, 100 % of the time! If we put our trust in it we will always end up trying to find something else that will fill the “void!” We’ll always be “hungry” and “thirsty,” but never filled!

And so we must be seeking to live and walk in His Kingdom Church of Christ, seeking His righteousness, and I believe that the Lord will add these things good things that come in and through His love to you and for you (See Matt. 6:33 and Luke 12:31).

And we must prayerfully keep in mind that when we are seeking a husband or a wife that believers must not be “unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” (See 2 Cor. 6:14).  I think that it is important that we seek a mate among believers as we live in the Kingdom Church.

But you ask, “Are you saying that I cannot marry outside of the church? That God will not bless my marriage if I go outside of the Kingdom of God?” The answer is of course is that God can and does bless marriage, even when it is outside of the visible Church. But remember we have specific instructions to not enter into a relationship with unbelievers. So if you are considering a marriage relationship outside of the Church, your respective mate should show the fruits of the spirit and be sincerely seeking Christ and the truth. You should never expect that he will change his mind later on in the relationship! It is wise to ask the LORD to show you the evidence that He is indeed in the matter. The Apostle Paul tells us to not be “unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” Why? Because he, being led by the Holy Ghost, knows full well the problems that will arise in a marriage and family that has chosen to do things their own way!

Now let me add right here that I myself was not in the Lord’s visible Church when I married my bride, no but I was seeking the Kingdom of God. Even when I didn’t know that there was a Kingdom Church. And God led me to His Church, and gave me a wonderful believing wife! I know that He is able to “do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us” (See Eph. 3:20). And I would like to say that we should not tempt the LORD our God as believers, but go on and do the things that He has clearly and specifically given as instructions to follow for our well-being.

Little Child of Grace don’t be discouraged! Don’t be impatient. Seek the Lord’s will in this, and in everything that you undertake to do, because His word promises that “He shall direct thy path.” (See Prov. 3:6).