Chapter Four    Submit to One Another   Ephesians 5:21-33

What do you think of when you hear the word submit? It’s a word that has become very unpopular today. We are being bombarded with the idea that we are never to submit to anyone. That we must always get our way in everything that we do. I mean why would anybody want to lower themselves down to the level of being a slave?

Let’s start by reviewing Ephesians 5:21-24, “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” The very first thing that we are forced to understand is that the Apostle Paul says, “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” This submission is mutual, one to the other. Contrast this attitude with that of the world at large today, insisting that we do everything that pleases us, and encourages us to fulfill our longings and lusts.

In the covenant of marriage they willingly, out of their love for one another and in mutual submission, will not always insist on having their own way in everything that they do. The Husband is, because of his love for his bride to “submit” when it is for her good, and good for their mutual relationship. And by so doing he is not to become a dictator ruling over his castle with an iron fist. But he is to lead in the love that Christ Jesus has placed within his heart.

Let’s continue and consider each one in their proper setting. The wives are to “submit” themselves unto their “own husbands in everything.” She is to obedient, devoted, soft hearted, respectful, and attentive and under his loving control. She is to do it “as unto the Lord.” Because “the husband is the head of the wife,’ just as in the same way that “Christ is the head,’ (administrator, and the beginning) ‘of the Church: and He is the saviour of the body.”

The wife is a picture of the Church, and the husband is a picture of Christ as we live here in the world. And she is to be in “submission” to him. She is to be quietly willing to follow her husband’s Godly leadership, just as the Church does to Her Husband, the Lord Jesus Christ. She is to have a meek and quiet spirit.

The Husband is to love his wife. How? In the same way as Christ, whom he represents in a picture. And Christ loves His Church, this is His Bride, and He gave Himself for Her! Remember that Jesus said that He did not come to be ministered to, but to minister (see Mark 10:45). And so they are both to follow this example! Jesus Christ, because of His great love for her, laid aside His glory, and came down to this low ground of sin and sorrow, to fulfill the requirements of the law, which had condemned her, and He lovingly suffered and bled and died for Her. So “that He might sanctify and cleanse’ her ‘with the washing of water by the word” (Eph. 5:26). And in this same way, the husband is to surrender of his own self, not seeking to always  have his own way, but he will seek out the will of his LORD in all things of which the He has placed in His charge.

And just like Jesus presents His Bride to “Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that’ she ‘should be holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:27). The husband is to have the very same view of his own wife, seeing in her, that which transcends the flesh, seeing no imperfections, or wrinkles, “or any such thing.” But he is to present her as being without fault, having no defects, shortcomings, nor failings before others!

Husbands are to “love their wives as their own bodies” (Eph. 5:28). Why? Because they are one flesh! Thus, in just the same way that when he injures his body and he cares for the wound, he is to care for her when she is injured, he is to tenderly care for her. But this is not to say that he must always jump in and fix her every hurt. He needs be ready to patiently listen to her while she tells him her pain. He must learn that sometimes all she needs is to be heard! There will be plenty of time later to work on the hurt. But for now it’s time to just sit and listen.

Not taking the time to patiently listen to each other is the cause of many problems in our marriages today. The Husband must take the responsibility to listen to how she feels and to not give in to his impulse to jump right in and take care of her trouble, when what she really needs is simply to have him listen to what she has to say. To validate her as his companion. Yes, just to sit and listen is to be submissive to her needs!

Understanding that she is a whole person too. She is a Child of God, and a vital member of the Body of Christ! That she too is an heir “of God,” and a “joint heir with Christ,” just like he is! What she says, and how she feels must be of the utmost importance to him, just like the things that he says, and how he feels must be of the utmost importance to her! They are both to remember that “no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church” (Eph. 5:29).

He must understand that “we” (that is both of them) ‘are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.” And that she is the reason that a man is to “leave his father and mother, and” be “joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” And to always be mindful of this “great mystery” concerning Christ and His Church Kingdom. Their God shows each of them how to love and care for one another in a lifetime mutual commitment. The one to the other! “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Beloved, we as both husbands and wives need to learn each other’s aspirations, desires, and habits. We are to always remember that we have entered into a relationship with one another that pictures the relationship of Christ and His Bride, which is the Kingdom of God. We have entered into an intimate and personal union to which one man and one woman are made perfect and complete in their life long partnership of mutual love and commitment. They are both, as husband and wife, entered into a God created, God sanctioned covenant together, which also includes their children, together to form a family. And this family is a divine vocation that is to be acknowledged with thanksgiving and humility, through prayer, and the truth of the word of God.

They Understand that sex is holy, having been created by God, to bring fulfillment when it is expressed in God’s ordained covenant of marriage. That it is a bond that is not to be taken lightly nor is it easily severed. By which each one, the husband and his wife sanctifies the other. This union can prevented, but it can never be annulled, so it must be entered into prudently, in a sound and careful mind, and with the highest spiritual interests of the one is to be sought by the other. They are both to be equally yoked together, through prayer to the LORD. Giving to the other what God has blessed them with through His Holy Spirit the things that they lack, being a reflection of Christ, the Bride, the Church redeemed by His blood. Always seeking each other’s good, displaying to one another: self-restraint, self-denial, repentance, unselfishness, and true affection, each one submitting to their duties that arises out of their marriage bond.

The husband must reflect the image and glory of God by giving honor to his wife as the weaker vessel, his companion and soul mate, recognizing her as a being, like himself, a joint heir of Christ, treating her with the same gentleness that Christ gives to His bride. He is never to render evil for evil. Knowing that Christ is his head, and he is the head of his wife. He must be ready to support her, asking the LORD to guide him in the knowledge of his obligations and responsibilities, so that he can guide, defend, support, and protect his wife and family. He must be morally bound to subjection and submission to Christ and His kingdom, the Church.  “Loving his own wife, as his own self:” by never dishonouring her, by subjecting her to any disrespect or humiliation. Realizing that in order for him to be the head of his wife, he must be a reflection of Christ, because without Christ and the grace of God, he is unable to do anything spiritual. But he will only be able act according to his flesh. He must always keep a good conscience toward her, living peaceably, even with an unbelieving wife. But if the unbelieving wife wishes to be free, she should be allowed to go, and not be restrained (See 1 Cor. 7:14-15).

Always keeping in mind that His body is not his own, but that he belongs to his wife, and she has power over it. He is never to defraud her, but to minister unto for her strength, support, security, and satisfaction that comes only from and through their mutual intimate affection, being gentle, tender, and kind, always being just as concerned for her desires, comfort, and pleasure as his own. Knowing that withholding from the other what is due in this intimate relationship creates fraud, and will lead him into temptation, and eventually into sin, which will result in the death of that relationship!

He is to always control his tongue, remembering that he has no right to cause pain, suffering or mental harassment to her. And keeping in his mind that the knowledge of this world puffs up, making us proud, arrogant, and impatient. But love edifies and builds up! Love never takes an attitude of superiority, but seeks out to find the best in her, as the LORD approves!

Knowing when to listen and advice and when to offer encouragement is essential, and knowing that he should give her consideration in all matters. He must learn to give and take when needed. He should know that he is to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

She too must understand that she is to be a wife and a mother. That she is to be the one who is responsible for planning, keeping and managing a home. And knowing in her heart that a house is not the same thing as a home! She is to be an inspiration and a help to her husband, being guided by God’s unseen hand. Knowing that her obligations are first and foremost to her LORD, then, and second only then to her husband, and then third to her children, and then, and fourth, and only then to all her other obligations.

And the husband too, must also understand that his obligations are first and foremost to his LORD, then second to his wife, and then third to his children, and then, fourth, and only then to all his other obligations!

The wife must reflect the image of her husband, because they are both reflections of God and His Bride in their wonderful glory. She must live in such a way so as to be a peacemaker, living peaceably, even with an unbelieving husband! She must be subject to her own husband (reflecting the glory of God). She must have self-restraint, and holy behavior, and seek to have a meek and quiet spirit, not being riotous!

She also must be mindful that her body is not her own. But, that she belongs to her husband, and he has power over it, and that withholding from him what is due in this intimate  relationship creates fraud, and leads to temptation, which will eventually lead to sin, which will lead to the death of their relationship! She must administer loyalty, encouragement, and performance of family and household duties, as fulfilling the mutual obligations of their intimate affection. Never neglecting their home. Knowing too that worldly knowledge makes her proud, arrogant, impatient, and puffed up. And remembering that love edifies and builds up, and that it never take the attitude of superiority, but she must seek out the best in him, as the Lord approves and by always controlling her tongue. Asking the Lord to guide her in knowing, when to listen, when to advice, and when to offer encouragement is essential. She must give him consideration in all matters by learning to give and take and by bringing up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

They must both know that they are vessels created by God to serve Him.  One family consisting of one father and one mother; parents of their own children! May the Lord bless us to seek Him out and to ask Him to guide us into our marriage covenant?  The words “I love you” will have no meaning, and are very easy to say unless there is the mutual purpose of entering into a lifelong commitment.  They become only words which will bring about misery, anguish, pain, and dishonour, and in the end, the death of that union, which is divorce! And so beloved, let us never enter into the marriage covenant, which is a holy estate, hastily, nor unadvisedly, or lightly, but reverentially, in the fear of God, with the understanding of the responsibilities that come with this union. Always keeping in mind that marriage is the divine design. Amen.