Chapter One   A Defense of the Family

A God designed, and God instituted marriage and family seems to be something that is despised and ridiculed in the world today. It seems that it is almost under a constant attack from television ads, which portray it as a drag, and heavy burden on what would otherwise be a productive and enjoyable life of every man and woman in the world at large. That is unless they would like to be able to sell some product to them. We’ve all seen the ads that sell some soap, or some other household item in which they claim that every housewife simply can’t live without!

And incidentally I don’t particularly like that word “housewife.” The word “housewife” makes it sound like a wife is married to a house! In Titus 2:5 Paul says that wives are “keepers at home” No, she’s not a “housewife,” she is a homemaker, yes that’s it; she is the maker of a home!

The days in which we live can be real discouraging for anyone who may be considering marriage and starting a family: One in which the wife stays at home as a full time mother; where she lovingly devotes her time and energy to raising their children. Today that sounds like some sort of alien idea. I mean a “stay at home mom!” To the world at large this course of life is non-productive at best. They say, “Any woman who lives such a life is not really doing her fair share!” That she should go out and help to provide “income” to support her family.

Today just about anyone (and especially those of the modern feminist movement) will be glad to tell you about how that these days it’s become just about impossible for a mother to be able to stay at home and raise her children. I’m sure that we’ve all heard it before. Someone will come along and say, “We’ve tried it, and things cost way too much these days for it too ever become practical again. You have to have both parents at work to be able to afford anything like cars, houses, clothes and food.” And so they feel like they are really sacrificing everything for their kids when they go out into the world to seek their careers.

But I would like to ask one very important question: what is really being sacrificed here? I submit to you today, based on the evidence of our society all around us in the here and now, that our children are the ones who are really being sacrificed!!!

And so what are we really saying here? Are we saying that we can’t trust God to provide us with the things that we need for the wellbeing for our families? And we must go out and work real hard, or else God will not be able to bless us? Now is that the way it really is, if only we could really be honest about it and admit to the fact that we really simply want to “do it our own way?”          

So today we see that our families are in turmoil! It seems like almost every day we see husbands beating and killing their wives, and wives killing their husbands on the evening news broadcasts. We see parents murdering their own children. And yes, we see even children today committing murder. And moreover, our government is forcing down our throats the so-called gay marriage. “Men, leaving the natural use of the woman,’ burning ‘in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet” (Rom. 1:27). And even our own government trying to re-define definition of the family to suit the whims of sinful men and women!

So what are God’s people supposed to do? The answer most certainly must be that we pray to the Lord, seek His mercy in our lives, follow His clear instructions given to us from His word, and apply them to our daily lives!

How many times have you heard this statement; “well I come from a dysfunctional family?” and “I can’t help myself.” That’s the reason that we have so many of these problems!

But now stop and consider for just a moment. Every last one of us came from the dysfunctional family of Adam’s fallen nature. I mean we all, each and every last one of us is a sinner and completely dysfunctional before God.

So we ask the question, what is a family anyway? No one in the world really seems to know for sure. One common answer is, “a family is where two people who really, really love each other, and live together in peace and harmony with others in their community.” And my response to that is “POPPYCOCK!”

So you are probably thinking by now, “ok, ok, so what is a family then?”  And what do the Scriptures, the Bible have to teach us about this critical subject?

Little Child of God, the scriptures have everything to say, and to teach us about this subject. The Apostle Paul wrote to a young preacher in II Timothy 3:16 & 17, that “all scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable’ (it’s beneficial) ‘for doctrine’ (teachings) ‘for reproof,’ (to admonish and discipline,) ‘for correction,’ (to aid us in removing errors,) ‘for instruction’ (guidance, preparation and education) ‘in righteousness: that the man of God’ (that’s the people of God, so that they) ‘may be perfect,’ (completely and) ‘throughly’ (or through and through) ‘furnished’ (that is to be given all that is needed,) ‘unto all good works.” And believe me that each and every marriage and family is a WORK, and a whole lot of it!

Reading now from Genesis 2:18-25, “And the Lord God said it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man.” And Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

And so from this we learn the word of God that it is definitely not good that the “man should be alone.” And so in His wisdom, God made a “help meet for him.” This was not just a clone of Adam! Nor was this was simply just a copy of the man. No, when the Lord God designed Adam, He designed him to have a need.  And this need was for something that was quite unique. And it was because of his deep need within him that God brought all of the animals before Adam “to see what he would call them.”

And what do you think about that? Did God bring all of those animals to Adam because He needed to know what He should call all of those animals? I mean did He need Adam to name all of those animals so that He would know what to call them? No, of course not! So why then did God bring them to Adam? Why… so that Adam would know that among all of these animals that “there was not found an help meet for him.” You see when Adam looked at the animals and then at himself, he knew that they could never fill that need that God had placed inside of his heart.

And then God caused a deep sleep to fall upon him. And what did  He do then?  He  took  out one of his ribs  from  his side  and He formed  and fashioned  a woman!  And He  brought  her to him as his wife! Right then and there God instituted the covenant of  marriage.

And when Adam sees this wonderful creation that God had made, he knows that she, and only she can fill that need!!! So Adam thinks to himself, “look at this, this is not flesh like the flesh of all the animals, but this is ‘now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh!”  Adam had his help meet, or literally his perfect aid, his qualified, corresponding partner and suitable companion!

The Hebrew used here for “help meet” is the word 'ezer, (ay'-zer).  This is a very special word that is used to describe someone who comes to your rescue when you are distressed and in a dire need. And when you have this kind of need, this is the only person that can and will be able to help you. Can we see that? And that was his wife…the woman called Eve!

So here she was, and this woman was exactly what Adam needed! By understanding of this most wonderful truth we can, and most certainly can rest assured that God alone is also well able to fill that need that He has placed inside each and every one of His little children. I mean that we surely can trust Him when He says in Matthew 6:8, “your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.” And also the Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 3: 20:  “Now unto him that is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.”

God has designed marriage and the family for the benefit of His people. And He says to them, “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Gen. 1:28). “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” (Gen. 3:25)

band or wife, father and mother anywhere in this world (save that is except our Lord and Saviour Jesus). My marriage and family relationship had many, and I say many, ups and downs, good times and bad times, successes and failures too. But it has been these ups and downs, good times and bad times, successes and failures that the Lord has blessed both my dear wife and myself to be able to learn many lessons from and hopefully pass along to others.

Sometimes we did the right things, but we felt that more often than not, we fell short of the mark. You can ask my wife and she’ll be more than happy to tell you that we both had to struggle and work to raise our family. I wish that I could tell you that living day to day as husband and wife and raising a family was easy, but it’s not, in fact it takes a whole lot of hard work, and patience!

We, that is to say, my wife and I, have been married now for twenty-six years, and have raised three children, and what I would like to share with you are the wonderful lessons that the Lord has taught us throughout the years of living and learning in our marriage and family relationship. As my wife and I look back now, we can clearly see the leading of the Lord in everything in our lives, and especially as we raised our children. And in those twenty-six years there have been many times that we have tried to do some things our own way, and have always found that our own way has always lead to disaster. We would end up feeling like God had abandoned us, and left us to our own devises. But in fact what had happened was that He had not left us at all; no, on the contrary, it had been “we” who had forsaken Him! And by these experiences we have been taught that when we followed the leading of the Lord that He never, and I repeat never failed to bless us in our efforts to uphold the marriage and family relationship with much blessings as we attempted to live in this present world. Despite our failings and shortcomings, and by and through the grace of God, we have been blessed to raise three of the most wonderful children.

Our two daughters are now married, and I hope that my wife and myself have given them a good pattern to follow. We have both tried to teach them that they too must trust the Lord in all that they do. And have also tried to show them that we love them, by always working together as husband and wife through our problems (which have not always in a peaceful way). But we felt that it was just as important for them to know that they could always count on the help of God to keep going, even as they saw a lot of their friend’s parents going down the slippery road to divorce.

Our son still lives at home, but he is now twenty-one years old. (I know that my wife really enjoys having him around too; once a mother always a mother). Our prayer for him is that he has a foundation in which he might go out into the world following the Lord and he himself becomes a husband and a father someday.

And now as we both continue to move on into different phases of life beyond the raise up of our children, we realize that in this area we still have a living and growing marriage and family relationship. We have really begun to see that even as the kids move on out of the nest, that our marriage and family relationship is still continuing to grow!  And we are still learning from those things that the Lord God brings into our lives. Right now we are learning what it is like to have sons-in-law.

Understand it seems like only yesterday that our little girls were just babies! And now we are looking at new and growing aspects in our marriage and family relationship. And perhaps, if the lord is willing we will have some grandchildren, and who knows, perhaps I’ll write something about that someday.

And so beloved, I would like to say to all of you who have found that the road in the marriage and family relationship can often be a difficult one, as well as to those who are about to set off down it to remember that God as told us in His word, the scriptures, that He would never, no never, leave us nor forsake us! And that when you feel like you have been run over by the train of life’s hard knocks that “this too shall pass.” And when it does please ask the Lord to teach you His ways in order that you might endure with it all with much patience.

What constitutes a marriage? Where did it come from? Whose idea was it anyway? Who established it? What is a family? And what do the scriptures have to say about family? Does a marriage between a man and a woman make a family? And why is it important to us to know the answer to these questions? The Lord willing we will take a careful and prayerful look at the answer to these critical questions.

I think that it is so very important that we as Primitive Baptists be well established and grounded with an intimate knowledge of what God’s instruction book, His holy scriptures, the Bible, have to say and to teach us about this subject. Why? Well there are three reasons: First, so that we will not find ourselves lost in this world of confusion and error in the matter. There are so many worldly ways being advanced by so many so-called experts on the subject. But these only leave us rudderless and without any sense of direction. Never knowing, nor understanding the well-being of a God designed, God blessed and God supported marriage and family relationship.

Second, so that we will know how we are to live and grow in our marriage and family relationships, as well as all other relationships in our lives here on earth. And in our growth be blessed with a real, vital and abundant life each and every day of our lives. One in which our children will be able to see and be blessed by the lord to have a foundation on which they too can build their own marriage and families.

Third, having this understanding will affect all of our other personal relationships in the here and now. We will be able to behave ourselves in such a way so as to bring honour and glory to God, and to the cause of Christ, and His dear Kingdom.

I will try to break this booklet down into several parts dealing with different aspects or ingredients of the marriage and family. First, the covenant of marriage, which is the foundation on which it stands: The covenant that God Almighty Himself established all the way back in the very beginning of time. This covenant has lasted down through the ages and still serves as a blessing to us personally, and to every nation that honors and uphold it.

And lastly, you husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, seek out someone in the Church Kingdom that you can share your thoughts, feelings and experiences  with: Someone who can help you to “Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). Pray for each other without ceasing! Take out time each day to remember one another before God’s wonderful throne of grace.